“U” are in Control by Jessica Reinsmoen

Can you think of a time where you blew up at something or someone for no reason? Try to remember how you were feeling then. Were you truly upset at that situation or something else? 

Most of the time, it comes down to being upset at something else. Trust me, you’re not alone in this. I’ve experienced the same thing, and many others have too. 

It’s what we call…stress. Stress is a demand on our energy.

Did you know that stress can be healthy and unhealthy? Healthy types of stress can include working out, playing a video game, doing something for the first time, and getting married. Unhealthy types of stress can include getting fired from a job, breaking up with a partner, getting a bad grade, and arguing with someone. Every person is their own unique individual though, and stressors in your life may vary.

Stress comes into play within our nervous system. And when we get into our autonomic nervous system, that’s where it tells us how we’ll feel about certain situations. To reflect this, we have the U. The U is a representation of our autonomic nervous system and how we respond to life. 

We have two nervous systems within the autonomic nervous system: 

1. Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS)
   This is where we mobilize ourselves. 

2. Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS)
   This is where we rest and recover. 

We constantly swing between the SNS and PNS throughout our days depending on the situation. Perhaps you are told you need to start working on a project for school – you’re going to be swinging more towards the SNS. Perhaps you are gearing up to head to sleep – you’re going to be swinging more towards the PNS. 

So what is it called when we are in equilibrium - when we’re feeling centered and at balance? This is called the window of tolerance. The window of tolerance is unique to each individual, and as stress accumulates, you can go beyond your window of tolerance, and it becomes extremely overwhelming.   

At that point, you move through one or more of the  four states:

1. Fight
   This is when you’re running towards the stressor. Perhaps you’re so “on” that you’re predicting when things may happen. You’re ready for an argument, or you anticipate the problems that you think may happen and live like they’re happening.. 

2. Flight
   This is when you’re running away from the stressor. This can be hanging up, calling off work to avoid a person, or procrastinating on things until the very last minute. 

3. Freeze
   This is when you’re feeling like you’re unable to speak, move, or make decisions. You want to mobilize so badly toward the stressor, but your body feels stuck or “frozen.” It’s almost as if you’re hitting the gas and brake pedals at the same time. 

4. Shutdown
   Eventually what can end up happening, is that your body shuts down. Your nervous system has been constantly going and now your body has said you’re done. This could manifest by simply giving up, collapsing feeling nothing, and feeling physically unable to move When we are above and beyond our window of tolerance and hitting one of these four states, we can tend to blow up at more stress that accumulates in our lives, even if it is healthy. We are having a strong stress response because we’ve hit our limit. This also means that we are most likely having high highs and low lows because we’re swinging more so back and forth between our SNS and PNS.  

I can remember a time when I was being bullied at my workplace. It was ongoing and no matter what I did, I couldn’t find a solution. I was experiencing feelings of sadness, irritability, anger, and hopelessness. There was a situation when a coworker had given me a job to do that was healthy stress, but I blew up at them. Did they deserve it? Absolutely not. But I felt like I couldn’t help it – I couldn’t control my reactions anymore. I realize now that this is because I was above my window of tolerance. I just couldn’t take another stressor, even if it was healthy stress. 

So what do we do once we’ve hit our limit? How can we get back to our window of tolerance and feeling centered and balanced? 

It all comes down to our resilience and our coping skills. The way we get back up from the hard times in our lives. It’s not easy and it takes practice. When we’re above our window of tolerance, it can be very hard to get back down to level, but there’s hope. 

In times of stress, I like to vent to someone I trust, whether that is a therapist, a friend, or a parent, and get all of my feelings out. If I don’t have my support system with me, I like to journal. Usually, it’s in my notes app on my phone so I can type as fast as I can, but sometimes I do write in a notebook as well. Don’t think about how you’re writing if you do decide to try this. Just get all your feelings out. 

I also like to distract myself from my mind. It can go a little rampant when I’m feeling so stressed, and I need to get my mind off it. I usually like to watch funny YouTube videos or a movie, or really delve into a good book. 

If that’s not working, I try to do something active. Sometimes it’s swimming, taking a walk with my dog, or dancing. I’ve heard the term rage dancing somewhere and wonder if that’s exactly what I’m doing when I’m stressed and trying to cope that way. Either way, it ends up putting a smile on my face. Try it out one day – even if you’re not stressed.

Stress can be overwhelming, and it can feel hopeless, but know that with practicing your resiliency you can build your skills and get into a rhythm of knowing how to cope when those stressors come back into your life. All the best of luck to “U!” 

Additional tools for when you may be in crisis: 

U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741

U.S. Crisis Lifeline: 988

Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)

Ohio Careline: 1-800-720-9616