Navigating Self-Improvement and Authenticity by Reben Drummer
In a recent Hey, I’m Here Squad meeting, we dove into the concept that healing isn’t always straightforward- it can sometimes present a double-edged sword. Surprisingly, our pursuit of progress can feel stagnant because we inadvertently seek out the negative aspects. Self-sabotage sneaks in when we step into unfamiliar territories, exploring healthier methods of self-care. It’s curious though, isn’t it? None of us wake up thinking, “Today, I’ll do something uncomfortable,” unless, of course, that’s your style!
Finding the path to healing and regulating our nervous system can be a tricky endeavor, as it may bring unexpected challenges along the way. On one hand, embracing mindfulness techniques like meditation and deep-breathing exercises can truly contribute to our emotional and physical well-being.
These practices have been scientifically proven to reduce stress, alleviate anxiety, and promote an overall sense of wellness. As we prioritize our mental health and engage in self-care, we often feel empowered and resilient, creating a positive cycle that fosters further healing.
I found myself in a long-distance relationship last summer. He wasn’t my sole happiness, but he held a significant place in my life—a realization that dawned on me as I sought ways to occupy my time and thoughts.
Searching to fill a void often feels like an intermission in healing or a deeper dive into pain. While I adopted “healthier” coping mechanisms like coloring, reading, or just basking in the sun, I sidelined the activities that truly comforted me because I rarely engaged in them. Some might tout these activities as beneficial for the mind, body, and soul, yet it’s a double-edged sword- what seems good for you might not serve you well.
The pursuit of self-healing can also become a source of pressure and stress. The desire to achieve a perfect state of well-being may lead us to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. In our quest to regulate our nervous systems, we might unintentionally magnify our perceived flaws or shortcomings. This heightened self-awareness can create a paradox where the very practices meant to heal us become a source of anxiety and self-criticism.
Healing manifests through a symphony of approaches. My journey began with a desire to do better, sparked by a realization of how my struggles affected those around me. Seeing their misery reflecting my own was a wake-up call- I needed to change, not just for myself but for the well-being of my loved ones.
However, my initial approach didn’t lead to the outcomes I hoped for. I entered therapy with a flawed mindset, seeking perfection and trying to echo what I believed others wanted to hear. It was a misguided race toward an unattainable finish line. It took me years to shift my intentions. I realized I couldn’t heal others' wounds while neglecting my own. I’d been on a path of trying to fix everyone else, unknowingly sabotaging my own progress.
Genuine healing only began when I stopped trying to decipher everyone else’s needs and started addressing my own. It’s a crucial lesson: self-care isn’t selfish; it’s the foundation for true growth and prosperity.
As others progressed, I felt left behind. Eventually, I learned to connect with my emotions, yet I found myself nitpicking, disrupting my newfound stability. Chaos was my norm, so when calm settled in, I sought out instability. Cluttered thoughts and spaces were my comfort zone. Suddenly, clarity emerged like a serene, sunny sky, yet I found myself tempted to summon a storm. Why? I despised unhappiness, yet when happiness surfaced, I almost craved negativity.
Emotions aren’t fixed; they’re a vibrant spectrum. Happiness isn’t perpetual, just as sadness isn’t constant. They ebb and flow, allowing for a beautiful range of feelings. Understanding this diversity is key to aligning your mind and body. Embrace the multitude of emotions within you, acknowledging that each emotion has its place without needing to feel uneasy about its expression.
Enhancing oneself isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. It’s about balancing what we do for others with what we do for ourselves. To truly benefit everyone, it starts with introspection- genuinely examining life from all perspectives. I’m not here to preach, but through my experiences, I’ve gained insights into becoming a better person by exploring diverse viewpoints and wanted to share them with you here.
Just as a library holds a multitude of books, each person carries within them a personalized manual (unbeknownst sometimes) for healing, with chapters waiting to be written and rewritten. The recognition that there is no universal blueprint for healing allows for the freedom to explore, experiment, and embrace individuality for one’s journey. In the kaleidoscope of stories, the absence of a singular path becomes the very essence of the healing narrative – a story waiting to be discovered, embraced, and lived.
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)