Challenging the Negative Notion of Self-Talk by Marin Funderburg
When the words self-talk come to mind, what do you think about? Do you see yourself repeating affirmations in the mirror in the morning? Or do you see yourself walking down the street, muttering as you keep your composure? Self-talk comes in many forms and can be seen as a mental health coping skill, but depending on how it's done, it can be more harmful than good. Too many people participate in negative self-talk, which is dangerous and perpetuates the idea that self-talk is strange and harmful.
This notion that self-talk is abnormal should end because not only is the idea harmful and stereotypical, but it also ignores how good self-talk is for regulating emotions and how it also helps build self-esteem.
First off, we have to define positive self-talk and negative self-talk. When we speak to ourselves, we can either be motivating and uplifting, or we can put ourselves down.
Positive self-talk involves uplifting yourself and has numerous benefits, like increased confidence and problem-solving skills.
Negative self-talk involves tearing yourself down and can lead to depression and isolation. It is designed to protect us from harm, but that can sometimes backfire.
We stigmatize self-talk so much because we often use it to express our aggression toward ourselves. Under a lot of stress, it feels easier to pick ourselves apart and highlight our flaws. I know I have done this before after a busy day where I may have made many mistakes or not performed to the best of my abilities. But the behavior hurt me, and I knew I could not enable it forever.
It is especially harmful if it becomes a pattern. When you hear yourself repeating your shortcomings over and over again, you internalize the pain, and it can be hard to recover from. This is why it is important to eliminate the stigma. If more people became open to talking to themselves and expressing their feelings about it, it would be easier to embrace healing and positivity.
Let's look at some positive self-talk examples.
Having a mantra or affirmations are some of the best forms of self-talk because they are inspiring and can increase drive.
Saying phrases like “I am resilient and strong” or “If I fall, I will get back up” can improve your self-image and give you the energy to persevere through any situation. Even if the self-talk is just mapping out your day or mentally recapping the experience you just had, it should be practiced.
By giving yourself a chance to be restful and kind, your body and mind will thank you.
So, now that positive self-talk has been covered, we must work on changing negative self-talk.
Examples of negative self-talk include saying, "I am so stupid” or “I hate myself.” Negative self-talk can involve blaming yourself for every bad thing that happens or only seeing the worst in a situation. To convert these negative behaviors into positive ones, you must be open to reflection. Visualizing the situation, listening to your body's cues, and understanding that you are not the problem all the time are just a few ways to begin to change your mentality.
After all this, you might wonder why self-talk is so stigmatized. Even though self-talk is a tool that everyone should adopt, there is often a lot of hesitation. As I mentioned before, it is seen as strange and almost shameful, but how did this happen? Many people associate self-talk with having a mental illness like schizophrenia. Although having mental illness should never be stigmatized and instead should be viewed with understanding and empathy, it has been, and this connotation makes people wary of participating. People hate being seen as different, and if they believe self-talk will set them apart, then they will not participate. Also, people may feel as if they do not have the energy to make mantras or create affirmations, so they will put it off. Making life-improvement changes should not be cast aside as often as they are.
Breaking this stigma will be hard since it has been perpetuated for many years, but all it takes is participation. By actively using self-talk and being unafraid to discuss it in a positive manner, the fear around the topic will slowly fall away. Being vocal can also help end the use of negative self-talk and provide comfort to many people. Using your strength in your words and newfound confidence can push others to also be kinder to themselves and speak positively. Change is not easy, but it is necessary in order to create a healthier and happier society.
So take initiative and be unafraid of talking to yourself because the benefits outweigh the consequences by a mile. You can start off small and work your way up to an advocate, but give yourself the grace to make change and be different. Embracing self-talk has been life-changing and has made me happier than I could have imagined. If I hadn’t taken the risk, I would have never gotten the reward, which is why I am such a big advocate. It may seem scary, but I know you can handle it! You will do amazing! And you will help change the stigma surrounding self-talk!
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)