Looking Both Ways: Understanding How Intrusive Thoughts Want to Keep me Safe by Amanda Stoddard
My mind can be my biggest supporter, guiding me through life and helping me find my way. Other times, it has proven to be a barrier, leaving me so disconnected from myself and the world around me that it’s hard to focus. As someone living with intrusive thoughts, specifically health-based, my mind is always hyper aware of my body, its sensations, and everyone around me – especially when they’re sick. By making me feel like I am always in danger, these intrusive thoughts are genuinely trying their best to keep me safe. It may sound silly, but my mind is still wired to believe there are threats looming around every corner, even though my nervous system knows that it's not true!
So basically, my intrusive thoughts are kinda like a really overprotective crossing guard! Ultimately, they think they’re there to help me get across the street, but sometimes they won’t even let me do that!
Crossing guards have a mission, just like our intrusive thoughts do, to keep you safe! Once upon a time in my life, my mind needed to constantly be aware, assessing danger at every corner, making sure me and my body were safe. Even though now I am safe, at times my mind is still programmed from that place of danger and fear. Much like a crossing guard; there to ensure people make it safely across the street, assessing for danger, watching for red lights, making sure everything is good to go.
Sometimes, I get very upset and dysregulated because those intrusive thoughts are consuming other parts of me, trying really hard to keep me safe but in reality holding me back. Kinda like a crossing guard who knows it is safe to cross, but has seen way too much tragedy and so they won’t even let you go, even when the coast is all clear! You look both ways, try to take a step forward, you think it’s safe, but NOPE! The crossing guard is there holding you back, saying things like:
It’s not safe!
Don’t cross yet!
Stop right there!
When the reality is, you are safe, the coast is clear and no cars are coming. For my intrusive thoughts, this looks like constantly having negative thoughts in relation to bodily sensations, so as you can imagine this consumes a huge chunk of my days. Even when there is no threat to be found, my intrusive thoughts do not listen, they try to convince me there is actually something to be very worried about. It is an overprotective crossing guard keeping me from crossing that street – aka living life comfortably! This is why therapy and mindfulness are such helpful tools in
regulating those intrusive thoughts and reconnecting to my body in a productive and safe way.
So, how do we tell that nagging crossing guard we’re safe? Well through the Hey, I’m Here Squad sessions, and many years of therapy, I have found many ways to help keep that crossing guard in check!
1. Thought Stopping, Mindful Reframe:
Whenever an intrusive thought pops in I recognize it as just that, a thought, I acknowledge it and then try to see what its intended purpose for being there is. I notice my intrusive thoughts get worse the more stressed, hungry, and tired I am.
“Oh hello intrusive thought, I see you’re trying to seek safety, what are you doing here?”
At this moment I am using this thought as an experience outside of myself. Our thoughts aren’t “us” they’re just thoughts. So I like to use the HALT method first to see if my basic needs are met.
H - Hungry
A - Angry
L - Lonely
T - Tired
If I answer yes to any of these questions then I start there! Usually my intrusive thoughts are able to be managed once one of these needs are met. However, sometimes the answer to each question is no. In the event all of my basic needs are met, then I ask myself is there anything stressful going on right now? My thoughts are clearly trying to have a sense of control, what do I need control over?
But sometimes, I don’t have an answer or the intrusive thoughts are just too much to even think rationally. When that happens I GROUND!
2. Grounding Techniques:
There are some really amazing grounding techniques I have learned through the Hey,
I’m Here Squad Sessions but my absolute favorite is one foot, one foot, two feet. This is a grounding tool that brings awareness to your mind and your body at the same time. It is also actively working to engage both sides of your brain. So when my mind is extra chatty and active this is my favorite thing to do. You take one foot, stomp it. Then take your other foot, and stomp it, then take both feet and jump! All while saying out loud how many feet you are using.
Stomp right, “One Foot”
Stomp left, “One Foot”
Jump, “Two Feet”
This has been a really impactful way to not completely stop the intrusive thoughts altogether, but lessen them in the moment. Because it’s kind of hard to think when your mind and your body are both grounded and engaged in saying “one foot, one, foot, two feet” while moving around!
3. Feel your feelings:
Sometimes my intrusive thoughts manifest because I am trying to run away from a feeling I may be experiencing, oftentimes that's sadness or frustration. My intrusive thoughts take over and are trying really hard to help me escape from those emotions. It is important though that in those moments I really ask myself, “Do I need to cry this out?” and a lot of the time the answer is: yes! So I cry, hold myself, and let it all out. This can last for ten minutes and even two hours, but either way I am releasing my body from emotion and allowing myself to fully feel! When emotions get trapped inside they can manifest as anything! So it’s important to meet yourself where you are and give yourself time, space, and safety to feel any emotions you’re experiencing.
4. Lean on your care team:
For some people, the best thing we can do when our intrusive thoughts are playing crossing guard and keeping us from getting to the other side is reach out for help! This can look like calling a friend, texting a family member, even utilizing the crisis text line if things are really desperate. What I like to do is put my comfort people in my favorites on my phone. That way if I need them all I have to do is look at the little star in the corner of my call log and see all my favorite people! This makes the hard work of finding someone to call or text a little bit easier. If you have the technology, even try facetime or getting on Zoom with them. This can help us regulate when we see another person we love regulated.
There was a time recently where my intrusive thoughts were so – intrusive – I had to email my therapist and set up an emergency therapy session so she could help me ground and redirect my thoughts. This was a big deal for me as someone who is very prideful and doesn’t like asking for help. But I am SO glad that I did because it made a huge difference and really helped me for the rest of the week.
6. Reach for resources!
There are many other resources you can reach out to if you’re really struggling and the Crisis Text Line (741-741) & 988 are two readily available resources for you in your time of need. You can both call or text them depending on your comfort level.
You can also reach out to your local NAMI, Mental Health America, or YouthMove Chapter to see if they have events, support groups, or resources available for you. Engaging with the community and leaning on those supports can be very helpful in our time of need. Find your local NAMI here
Find your local YouthMove here
Find your local Mental Health America here
We don’t have to let the overprotective crossing guard in our minds keep us from crossing that street, getting to our destination, and living our lives! We can utilize all these tools to help our minds find safety, trust, and comfortability within ourselves. Your thoughts don’t have
to be your life, they can just be crossing the street with you, helping guide you along the way. But sometimes, it takes becoming really good friends with that crossing guard and reminding them that it is okay to look both ways, sometimes even looking both ways again, and cross that street!
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)