Does Resilience Grow? by Ari Wilson
Have you ever wondered if the hard things that you experience in life are helpful? Or if they just happen, and beat you down? Many people often feel tired of things in life like anxiety, depression, stress, or even just a series of events in life that they can’t seem to catch a break from. The truth is, each and every person has a different level of how well they are able to bounce back from things like this. This is what we call resilience- and the question that remains to be answered is, does each person have a fixed level of resilience? Or does resilience grow?
According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is defined as “The process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands”. This means that for some people, having a week where they feel more depressed is easy to recover from. They may just see it as a bad week, and the next week be excited to start afresh. Or, you could be like me- when I have a week where I feel really depressed, I have a hard time bouncing back from that. It carries over into the next week for me. I like to think of resilience in humans as different plants, we all grow differently. Some plants are better acclimated to cold weather, while some are not. Each plant needs something different to thrive. Just like how all plants are not the same, neither are humans!
So if each person has a different level of resilience, does this mean that each person’s resilience is fixed? Or does it change over time? To begin to consider if resilience can grow, it is important to remember this: resilience is about how you recharge, not how you endure. If you keep the mindset that resilience is about how you will get through something, you will have a harder time recovering from it. Remembering that resilience is also about taking care of yourself after the ‘something’ has happened will help you to have a more successful recovery from the event.
I will admit that it is hard for me to rest. In my head, resilience and grit are represented by constant working, ending the day with a lot of stress, and constantly being tired. I used to think that these physical and mental strains were just a sign that I was getting a lot done, and ‘powering through’. I love the quote from author Greg McKeown that says, “Burnout is not a badge of honor”. Once I realized this, my whole perspective on resilience changed. Resilience is not accruing up stress points, or seeing how many days you can struggle through something hard without breaking down.
Resilience is knowing that it’s okay to stop and rest. When you give yourself space, and time, and are gentle with yourself- that is when resilience truly grows.
So how can you better understand resilience? How can you better grow your resilience? That’s what I’m here to share! I’ll share a few tips to help you get a better understanding of resilience, and then a few tips on how to grow your resilience. The most important thing to keep in mind when you are trying to develop your resilience and understand yourself better is this- not everyone grows at the same rate. Not everybody uses the same tricks to help themselves feel comfortable with a situation or a life event. It’s always essential to keep in mind that you are the only person who can tell you what works for your life!
Understanding Resilience:
One way to better understand resilience is to recognize that change is inevitable. Instead of focusing on how to stop change from happening, focus on how you can instead accept change. When we accept that life is a process of changing and growing, it is easier on us when change does happen; and even opens the door of opportunity to one day maybe embrace change. Remind yourself that you can do hard things! One of my favorite affirmations to repeat to myself when something isn’t going quite the way I expected is “I can do hard things”. It reminds me that I have gone through difficult and complicated things before and that I can also get through (and grow through) whatever is happening to me now, too!
Remember that resilience is not fixed. While there is a wealth of opportunity to grow your capacity for resilience, you may also have setbacks- and that’s okay! Instead of being surprised by these setbacks, remember that everyone’s healing process looks different. Maybe a setback is just an opportunity for you to work on something or have more time to heal from something that you might not have had time to work on before. I like to think of emotional and physical setbacks as a way of our bodies saying, “Hey, wait! Come back!”
Growing Your Resilience:
Now I will share some of my favorite tips to build your resilience level. It’s important to remember that resilience goals are kind of like habits- they take time to build up. Don’t give up!
Remember that bad feelings don’t last. Keep your purpose and your goals in mind and remember that you’re not always going to feel this way. A bad day does not equal a bad life! Have strong relationships. It’s important to have a few people that have your back. Whether that is a significant other, a parent, a close friend or family member, or even a therapist. Share your difficulties with these people. It’s also nice to have role models of people you know have gotten through hard things. That way when you’re having a hard time, you can remember that other people have also gotten through hard things.
Learn to improvise! I have personally become very accustomed to adapting and improvising in daily life. When I know I’m having a bad week or a bad day, I don’t force myself to do as much as I would normally do. I didn’t used to have this mindset, but now I know that it’s okay to not do as much- and still be proud of it! For example- if I’m having a day where I don’t feel like I can do very much, I try to at least change into new clothes and get cleaned up, eat and drink something that makes my body feel good, make my bed, and do something that I enjoy! It is okay to not do everything if you can’t.
Learn something new, do something you enjoy, and be aware of your senses. Set daily goals to keep your purpose and your perspective in mind.
Try something new and add variety to your daily routine. Do something with friends, try a new recipe, switch up your wardrobe- do small things that will keep you from burnout by reducing monotony. Find new ways to recharge!
So, in conclusion, does resilience grow? I think that is up to you. At the end of the day, we can choose to change our perspective, our habits, and our mindset. That, in the end, is what opens up the door to resilience-based growth.
Sources:
American Psychological Association
Quote taken from book ‘Effortless’ by Greg McKeown.
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)