5 Steps to Effectively Validate Emotions by Grace Dannemiller
Validating emotions can be a great tool in connecting with others and showing up in a way that makes ourselves and others feel good, but it can be tricky to do! Here are some steps that may help.
Step 1.
The first thing you could do to effectively validate someone's feelings is to give them your full, undivided attention.
This could look like starting by establishing a safe and comforting mood so that the individual can feel free to express what they are feeling. This means doing things like limiting your distractions by turning off and setting aside all devices to ensure that your conversation will not be interrupted. Even in a casual conversation, I personally think this step is the most important!
How you approach the conversation usually predicts the outcome of the conversation; what you put in is what you will get out.
Step 2.
The next step is about allowing the person to express themselves fully without judgment.
Let them know that you are there to listen and to do your best to understand them. Maybe remind them that their feelings are valid and important.
And here’s an important step, even though you might get the urge, try to avoid interrupting or interjecting with your own opinions or experiences, as this can make them feel like you are moving the focus away from them.
You’ll also want to respect their boundaries, and let them know that they can take breaks or stop the conversation at any time if needed.
Sometimes this looks like being patient with them and allowing them to take their time expressing themselves. I personally have trouble finding the right words, and I really appreciate when people I am talking to don’t rush or pressure me to share more than I am comfortable with.
Step 3.
The next step is to communicate your understanding of the situation back to them in a personalized way that shows you truly care.
You’ll want to avoid saying the same thing every time. Show that you understand and empathize with their emotions by acknowledging and reflecting on their feelings and the reasons behind them.
You can do this by actively listening and trying to understand the underlying cause of their emotions as they share their feelings. Try to pay attention to both their verbal and non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. I have a hard time with this step, but I do the best I can, and it is often appreciated. This extra effort will help you gain a deeper understanding of their perspective.
Once they finish expressing themselves, acknowledge and reflect on what they have shared. Use phrases like "I can see that you're feeling..." or "It sounds like you're really frustrated because..." to show that you are actively listening and trying to understand their emotions.
Empathy is not thinking about how a situation would make you feel, but instead taking the time to understand that each person is different and has a unique point of view. Just because you might feel one way in a certain situation doesn't mean another individual will as well. That’s why it’s so important to listen and validate their emotions by expressing understanding and compassion.
Step 4.
This is where it may be appropriate to share your own experiences or similar situations that you have faced in the past.
This can help them feel less alone and provide them with a sense of comfort and understanding. However, be careful not to make the conversation about yourself or overshadow their feelings. I think the easiest way to determine when it's appropriate to share your own experiences is by simply asking. You can say something like, "Would it be helpful if I shared a similar experience I had?" or "Do you want to hear about a time when I went through something similar?"
By asking for permission to share your own experiences, you are showing respect for the other person's emotions and giving them the opportunity to decide if they want to hear more. This can help to create a more balanced conversation.
Step 5.
Finally, reassure them that their feelings are valid and that it is okay to experience a range of emotions.
Let them know that it is perfectly okay and normal to feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, or any other emotion they may be experiencing. Offer reassurance that they are not alone and that you are there to support them through their feelings.
It's such an incredible feeling when someone takes the time to truly understand and acknowledge the emotions I am experiencing. Having someone validate my feelings can be incredibly empowering and comforting. It makes me feel seen, heard, and understood in a world that often dismisses or trivializes emotions.
In turn, I appreciate my ability to bring that same sense of validation to others. I understand the power of empathy and the impact it can have on someone's emotional well-being. By actively listening, empathizing, and validating others' emotions, I can create a safe space for them to express themselves without fear of judgment or dismissal. I strive to be someone who not only acknowledges but also validates the emotions of those around me. I want to be a source of support and understanding for others, just as others have been for me. Whether it's offering a listening ear, providing words of encouragement, or simply being present, I believe that validating someone's emotions can make a significant difference in their lives.
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)