Coping with the Bad Days by Kaylea Dillon

It’s been a long day, nothing seems to be going right. First, you snoozed your alarm just a little bit too long and were late to get out the door. Then, you had a disagreement with a friend. You forgot you had a presentation to give and were anxious through the whole thing. You get back home late and overwhelmed from the day. We have all had these days. They are the worst.

Take a second (or even a minute or two) and just breathe.

Tough days suck, but today I want to focus on what we can do to have less of these days. No, I’m not going to tell you not to snooze your alarm for the third time. I am going to talk about coping mechanisms and how we need to make sure we keep up on our mental wellness so when those bad days happen, we can recover faster and overall have less of them.

We all have coping mechanisms that help us live our lives. Some of us may meditate, some of us may isolate, some of us may do laundry, and some of us may drink and smoke. No matter what the coping mechanism is, it’s important to identify what coping mechanisms exist in your life.

Try this activity.

First, write down some of the things you do to relax. You may have a bunch or only one or two. That’s okay.
Next, after you write down the list, really take a second to look at it. Try to identify which coping mechanisms are positive and benefit your life. Then look and see what negative ones are on the list. Do you have more positive or negative coping mechanisms? Are there some negatives that you want to replace with positive skills?
I know a couple years ago when I first wrote this list, they were unbalanced and honestly the list was pretty small. It took time and dedication to figure out how to add more positive coping skills.
Now, let’s work on expanding that list of positive coping mechanisms. Using this framework from Good Therapy for grouping positive coping mechanisms, come up with at least one or two additional positive coping mechanisms you can apply to your life. This framework includes five main categories: support, relaxation, problem-solving, humor, and physical activity.

Growing Positive Coping Mechanisms: A Framework

1. Support: This is going to involve other people that support you, likefriends, family, chosen-family (the friends that you chose to be family), neighbors, coworkers, teachers, and spiritual leaders. Maybe a coping mechanism in this area looks like talking to your friend about your bad day. Maybe it looks like getting ice cream with your coworkers. There are lots of things people can do that are supportive in helping us cope with the stress in our lives. Personally, I rely heavily on my sister and fiance to talk over the good, bad, and ugly parts of my day. Sometimes it's not even talking about my day, but getting out of my room to go do something with people knowing that I am around individuals who support me.

Recognize that your support people can be whoever you choose. It doesn’t have to be the people society tells you it should be. Maybe you aren’t close with a parent or sibling. That’s okay.

Find the people you trust that you know have your back when you lean on them. Maybe you even have some furry supports. I know I do!

2. Relaxation: Meditation, breath work, muscle relaxation, and even listening to soft music as you lay in bed all fits under this group. Personally, I really enjoy breathing, journaling, and sitting out in nature as different relaxation coping mechanisms. I like that I can breathe anywhere. I am breathing right now, I can breathe in an exam room, and I can breathe whenever I am stressed.

3. Problem-solving: Sometimes when we are having stress, anxiety, or other things that are occuring in our lives it can be helpful to actually solve the problem. This is not always going to be possible, but it can be a useful way to help us feel better and stay mentally well. Personally, I tend to be an overthinker. Not only will I try to solve the problem, but I will be solving the problem 10 steps down the line. It is helpful to solve one problem, but not end up overthinking to the point your brain hurts.

4. Humor: Humor can be useful maintaining perspective and feeling like a roadblock is less daunting. I know I can definitely use a lot of humor when I am sharing things, but it is important to keep in mind who you are talking with. A close friend might be much more understanding and accepting of your humor then a neighbor you just met!

5. Physical Activity: Exercise is a powerful stress reliever and also can give you increased pain tolerance not just physically, but mentally as well.

Even if you are not a hiker like me, taking the time to get a brisk walk or participate in the local pickup basketball game can do wonders for your mental wellness. Even if I cannot get a hike in during the day, I make it a point to try to get a walk in because it helps me refocus and connect with myself.

It is important to note that you may not like all these types of coping mechanisms and some may not work for you at all. Coping mechanisms are, by nature, highly variable and it takes time to figure out what works best for you.

It’s okay.

Now that you have your list, why not try some of these out this week and let me know how they work for you!