A New Start by Rina
TW: Before reading this story, we want to warn you that there will be mention of potentially triggering mental health subjects. Also, this is based on one person’s experience and is not written from a doctor’s perspective. If you or someone you know may be living with mental illness, please get help. Talk to a licensed and qualified mental health professional and search the list of resources on our website
I've started being able to say things like "This is future me's problem" and "I'm gonna be so broke in college," which doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but it is to me because I used to be incapable of imagining myself having a future.
All I could think about was how I wanted everything to end as soon as possible. When I was in elementary school, I didn't think I would make it to middle school. Then I was in middle school, but was sure I wasn't going to make it to high school. Fast forward to freshman year, and I was determined to end it all during winter break of that year. I had pill bottles hidden in my room, farewell notes written out to my friends, and a mind drained of any hope for happiness. I was confident that I wouldn't make it to my second semester of freshman year, let alone become a sophomore. What I didn't know back then was that I would end up finding a reason to stay alive a little bit longer.
My favorite YouTuber was releasing her first original song on my birthday, January 17th, so I canceled my plans for the night and dragged myself through life for a few more weeks. A few more weeks, and I would be able to listen to the song before finally ending my miserable life.
January 17th rolled around, and the song was about to be released. I watched the music video as it was premiering live and felt more happiness and hope than I had felt in a long time. The song was called "A New Start," and it was about having the courage to escape an empty, monotonous life and “taking the first step to escape.” It resonated with me in a way that I didn't expect and made me want to try my best to keep going.
I listened to the song on a loop for weeks, and each time, without fail, it made me happy enough to get through the day. It allowed me to get through enough days to find an opportunity to get help, and it allowed me to have a new start.
Now, in my junior year of high school, I'm living a life that my past self could never have imagined. Although I still face challenges and struggles, I've come a long way. I've made new friends, discovered new interests, and started to envision a brighter future for myself.
As I look ahead, I'm filled with hope and determination. I've learned that even in the darkest moments, there can be a spark of inspiration that leads to positive change. The song "A New Start" continues to be my source of motivation, a reminder that, even if life seems unbearable in the moment, “not too far in the way, the next direction's taking form”.
With each passing day, I'm building a life that I once thought was out of reach. I'm grateful for the support I've received and the strength I've found within myself. The journey isn't over, and there will be obstacles along the way, but I'm embracing the idea of a new beginning and exploring the possibilities life has to offer
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)