Weight of the Clouds - by Q McRoberts
When the pressures are too much, isolated and not validated, hope feels distant and happiness is only a memory…
That’s the Weight of the Clouds
Attempting to grow stronger daily when I tell no one of the internal battle occurring and the foundation of trauma, depression, and anxiety’s friendship is to manipulate my imagination, run wild in the fields of self-doubt.
Convincing me that neither my recovery nor my accomplishments are enough. I can be perfectly fine one minute and triggered with PTSD Flashbacks the next.
Or, moments of sorrow occur when I begin too long for deep meaningful apologies. Drowning in rivers of silence and shame instead of reaching out and the pressure of it all makes you want to go fetal-
That’s the Weight of the Clouds.
But not today or tomorrow, trauma. I’ve dealt with you directly face to face and in case you need a reminder, I give you breath when I over analyze everything.
So, I’m here to tell you I still choose freedom. I am capable of having healthy long-term relationships. I have forgiven. I am forgiven
Forgiveness is something I do for myself and my journey. The weight of it all has to disappear. No more flashbacks
These moments when you resurface are opportunities for forgiveness and healing. And to deny healing , only Grants opportunity for suffering.
So, I will remain open to the freedom I deserve.
AND IF YOU CAN RELATE, REMEMBER THIS—THE BRAVEST THING ONE CAN DO, IS TO CHOOSE SELF-LOVE AND PERSEVERANCE DESPITE WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH.
Hate is easy. Anger is easy. Jealousy is easy
But to choose yourself over the weight of the clouds time and time again shows strength and examination of self-worth
You are virtuous. Your laugh is what love sounds like. Your smile is what love looks like. Your embrace is what love feels like. You define our worth for yourself & others
Don’t feel guilty. Release the chains of trauma and fly above the clouds.
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)