Phoenix Rising by Jewel Vaughn
Image by Crucifurr
We all have instances where we feel fed up and simply burned out with daily life demands. Contrary to popular opinion, burnout can actually be a good thing when its power is harnessed productively. It is important for us to not put ourselves under fire intentionally or unnecessarily. Life has its way of putting us through the fire, but that does not mean we need to be burned out each day of our lives.
I am currently a single mother to a 6-month old baby girl. I have a marketing degree, accounting degree, an Americorps assignment, multiple entrepreneurial ventures, an esthetician license and aspirations to inspire the world to transform the way they think and act. There are alter egos within me that want to be superwoman one day – and a pampered princess the next. I also believe deeply in breaking generational curses through the development and education of my child while balancing still being in my youth and dating. All of these facets of myself can get quite overwhelming if I try to be all things all at once. My days are very demanding from the time I wake up around 4:30am and go to bed, God willing, at 9:30pm. During my day I'm praying, meditating, studying the word, taking zoom calls, offering training sessions, system mapping, researching and developing new streams of income, being a friend, being a sister, being an auntie, advocating for the needs of foster youth, educating and playing with my child, working out, making baby food from scratch, doing household chores etc. Perhaps if I didn't have such strong beliefs my days wouldn’t be so demanding. But if my beliefs aren't what they are I wouldn’t truly be Jewel, now would I?
The funny, but not so funny, thing is: the more idle time I have the more my mind wanders and the more trouble I find myself in emotionally. When I focus on the needs of others I am less likely to experience burnout. It’s when I take the time to focus too much on myself in the midst of a day that I get discouraged and bothered by life’s demands. For example, there was a day where I found myself multitasking like a beast, and then my thoughts about myself caused me to lose grasp of everything I was juggling. I was in the midst of producing a training session on Zoom for my advocacy work, assisting participants and monitoring attendance and participation. At the same time, I was on another device in a completely separate Zoom account outlining system mapping for a new grant that Ohio is dispersing to the different continuums of care. All the while, my little one had decided to take the biggest poo she’s ever taken in her short months here on Earth. Everything is going smoothly and as I'm changing my child, she does this weird squirmy thing and twists her hip, getting all types of poo all over the place. So I burst out laughing and decided to transfer her to the tub. While her bath water was running, I washed my hands and transferred all the devices to the bathroom so I could be within listening distance. I finally got her in the water and she was kicking and playing when I realized it was going on 4:00pm and I didn’t eat a thing. Instantly my mood changed and every little thing started to bother me. I had to use the bathroom. I was
hungry. I was thirsty. The voices on the zoom even started to give me a headache. Just bing bam boom. Issue after issue. My baby girl was so impressionable that she easily picked up on the shifts in my mood and reciprocated my energy. She became irritable and started crying and squirming as I was getting her out of the tub to put on a fresh set of clothing. I eventually stopped at the diaper and put her on a blanket on the floor with some toys and left all the devices where they were.
I went into my room and laid back on my bed with my eyes closed and took deep breaths. I began to think to myself,” What the heck just happened? Lord, why am I feeling like this? You said I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me, so where is the strength?” Instantly I heard a voice in my head that sounded like my own but with much more authority say, “You CAN do all things, but you must also have grace for yourself.” Grace is the thing that allowed me to laugh when my child squirmed and got poo everywhere to begin with. Grace is what allows me to have such a jam packed schedule but still have patience and peace throughout my day. Grace is what allows me to be a mother and a business professional at the same time. Grace is what allows me to be 25 years old and still have a balance between my youth and my responsibilities. Grace is what allows me to go through the fire and rise like a phoenix being reborn rather than be burned up and tapped out for the day.
After a momentary reflection (it literally was like 5-7 minutes) I was able to lay on the floor next to my child and we looked at each other and burst out laughing. I was able to put her in her high chair in the kitchen while I made myself something yummy to eat; hence the photo. I also brought my devices in the kitchen so I could maintain my efforts professionally. Just a simple mindful reminder that I have to be, for myself, everything that I am for everyone else allowed me to refuel and recenter my efforts and energy levels. Sometimes you don’t realize where you are with your energy levels until they are depleted. But the quicker you can diagnose the drainage, the quicker you can seal the hole and begin to refuel yourself.
I pray this excerpt of my life is able to inspire you to be more mindful and patient with yourself as you live your life with love, kindness, and grace for yourself and those around you. Like I said in the beginning, life has its way of putting us through the fire, but that does not mean we need to be burned out each day of our lives. We can take mini steps to ensure the fire fuels us to become the best versions of ourselves possible. I believe in you. Aspire to inspire before we expire.
Additional tools for when you may be in crisis:
U.S. Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Ohio Mobile Response and Stabilization Services: 1-888-418-MRSS (6777)